August 29, 2011 1 Comment
I have to say that I have some of the most wonderful friends in the world; friends who are willing to drag out of me what ails me and for them, I’m grateful. I did however want to expand on my previous post, seeing as this has taken an emotional toll that I wasn’t expecting. Therefore, so people know that I’ll be alright at the end (and because this is very therapeutic) let me explain what’s going on.
You see, everyday I come up with these ideas. These things that I want to do to better the community. When I was awarded the MVP award for Zune, back in 2008, I kind of saw it as a calling. I saw it as a chance to really use this given credential and go out and make a difference. That’s the kind of person I’ve always been; I’ve wanted to make a difference in people’s lives. When you see the kind of impact you can have on a person’s life, in a positive way, it can become a driving fuel to do more.
Unfortunately, there isn’t enough Monster Energy Drink in the world to not acknowledge that in wanting to do so much for the community, I have to learn first that I’m the primary community member who needs help, guidance and comforting. No amount of community contribution is worth people turning around and finding me deep in the ground. No amount of assistance is worth thinking that it has to be done 25/8.
This past Saturday, I took a trip to the Science and Natural History museums. While there I just blocked out every little thing, every little project that I had going on. For those few hours, it was just me and the exhibits. It felt wonderful. It was then I realized that I was allowing myself to bite off more than I could chew. So yesterday, Sunday, I started putting my professional goals and tasks into their proper contexts.
However, I wasn’t expecting to finish that post and suddenly getting a flush of emotion. I mean I became somewhat of a mess and I think I know why. In understanding that I can’t do everything for everyone, I have to also understand that not being able to BE everything for everyone IS NOT a failure on my part. I have to understand that I’m not letting anyone down by not fully pursuing every possible little thing that creeps into my head. Hell, no one even has to know the idea was even there so who have I hurt, but not pursuing it at THIS. VERY. MOMENT.
Then I came to another conclusion. I have this mechanism by which I’ll freely knock my own accomplishments. You tell me that something was fantastic and I’ll respond with some snide-ass remark that makes it sound like I’m more beating myself up than lifting myself up. That has to change. I look around at what I *have* done and I know that if I was to leave Earth tomorrow, I made a difference. The difference that I’ll jokingly say I didn’t make, I made it.
Fully embracing these notions will take time and I’ll sometimes resort back to them, but I know there are people who will make sure I hear about what I’m doing is good work, who won’t let me resort to such shenanigans and who’ll tolerate if I put myself on a pedestal every now and then.
Sometimes making a realization, and the emotional aftermath that follows, can be one of the best things ever.